Blah. I'll just rant tonight.

Ever since the start of my junior year, my social life has been slowly deteriorating. I tend be paranoid at often times even if I know I don't have any reason to be like that. I'm usually alone in school, walking around and daydreaming. I still have friends, but they have their own lives so I don't bother them. I don't like interfering with people's lives and messing them up because of my attachment to friends. Sometimes, I think I need to reach out more but I'm stuck in my own little world. So eventually, I don't get to relate to people that much.

I don't like questioning people close to me but sometimes, I wonder if people value me the way I value them. I wonder if they value me like something that could be easily thrown away and forgotten while I value them more than my earphones or my iPod. My ultimate goal in high school was to find at least one friend who'd stick to me no matter what and I could trust that certain friend so much that I don't need to act like this anymore. Unfortunately, I haven't so far. Imagine. In my whole high school life, I've never gone telebabad. I hardly go malling with friends anymore. I'm just, a mess. I don't want to blame others even if I have a lot of reasons to but I choose not to.

Wanna know the reasons why I find it hard to trust people?

Make it ONE REASON. Judgment. People tend to judge me (well not all people. to those who judge me, you know who you are. don't worry, i have no clue who the heck you are) by the way I act or based on what I share to them. For example, I tell some people that I like this guy and then they watch my every move whenever he's around while I'm paranoid and I think that whatever move I make could be taken against me. That's just a scenario to point things out, okay? But seriously. I wish people would be less judgmental to me. Well not just to me, TO EVERYONE. Hahaha I sound like a hypocrite. *rolls eyes and cringes*

Sorry for acting this way. Don't know if this is just a mood swing or if I'm really stressed out. But whatever the matter is, it's not doing any good to me.

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Good news! My mom noticed that my blouse is getting loose. I'm on the right track!

Breakfast - shrimps and rice
Recess - a slice of banana bread and an apple
Lunch - shrimps with red rice and an apple
Merienda - kwek-kwek, Tomi and juice
Dinner - ham and cheese sandwich

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I have every right to get mad at you but I didn't since all the good things that you've done to me overshadowed my anger. Now, think about what good I've done to you and let's see if you have a reason to get mad at me. This is intended for, I do not know how many people.

Can't wait for the open forum before graduation. I'm expecting a lot of bad stuff that people see in me. But, expect something from me. That depends on who you are, of course.

Buenas noches. I need some self improvement. Think about if you need it too.